The Busy Boy Mama

The adventures of learning to be a loving wife and mom; while working and raising two amazing, very busy boys.
Health & Wellness

Breaking Up With a Friend

Breaking up with a significant other can be excruciatingly difficult. There’s awkwardness of accidentally running into each other, or seeing each other because of mutual friends. There can also be resentment and anger towards the person. But have you ever had to break up with a toxic friend?
I try to be pretty tolerant and a patient person. There are however, a few reasons why I usually end up cutting ties with someone close to me.

Deal Breakers

1. They put me down, rather than try to make me feel better.
I get some people are unhappy, or have a hard time being happy, but when they make other’s around them unhappy too is extremely unfair.
2. They treat their significant other or spouse poorly.
Self-centered people are definitely the type of people I stay away from. If they only care about themselves, would they really help me in a situation? Probably not.
3. People who make immature decisions.
If they live for drama, gossip, speed excessively while texting and driving, and make rude comments about people – no thank you.
4. They are superficial.
I’ve never been a fan of liars, or cheaters, or people who care more about their looks than their own grammar. I’m an honest nerd and I like to surround myself with like-minded adults.

 

If someone chooses to use the “R” word around me, and they know I work with kids who have Autism, or talk negatively about someone close to me; I make the choice to cut that toxic person out of my life. If someone isn’t happy for your success, and is jealous, that “friend” isn’t a real friend at all. When we spend so much time around a negative person, I do believe we start to take on the negative energy of them.

Ending The Friendship

If you think you need to break up with a friend, I suggest doing it maturely and tactfully. Don’t talk badly about the person to a mutual friend, or block them from all social media. That ends nothing. There is NO closure and I highly doubt you would feel much better. Let them know how you honestly feel. If this friend is actually negative and toxic, they will not understand and more than likely get defensive. A real friend would understand, try to see it from your point of view, and attempt to mend your friendship.
As I get older I make sure not only my body is healthy but my mind is as well. Who I hang out with directly impacts my mental thoughts and well-being. There is so much negativity in the world these days, it doesn’t need to be in my personal life at all.

Have you ever had to end a friendship?

36 Comment

  1. I have had to do this in the past and it was really hard but it was for the best. She had her own things to go through and it was holding me back from my path. I was her band-aid.

  2. We all end friendships at some point in life. Before ghosting was a thing that was how most friendships ended. There was no point in having a breakup talk you would just stop calling each other. I think breakup talks could actually create more tension and make the situation worse. If someone is toxic they usually react badly to being told they have a character flaw. I would only talk to them about it if they did not get the hint and kept calling or texting me.

  3. Great advice. Mental health is just as important as physical health and they often coincide. Toxic people usually don’t know they’re toxic, but they don’t have to know…you do.

  4. I feel like this is happening right now with my “best” friend. We are in two different places in our lives and things have been so awkward for quite some time. It makes me so so sad.

  5. I’ve had to break up with friends before. It’s really sad. Usually it’s surrounds them being toxic to themselves, not me. If I keep picking someone back up, and they keep walking into similar toxic situations, I eventually feel like I have to move away from the situation. Otherwise, I feel like I’m in some weird co-dependency.

  6. You are so right, when around negative people it definitely starts to transfer over to me. It’s taxing and not at all fun. Surrounding yourself with likeminded, positive people is much better for the soul. Great post!

  7. YES. Just recently I ended a toxic relationship with a mama friend. She was indirectly putting me down and treating me like I was below her… and I started to believe the things she was saying. Sometimes I still think about her and feel bad but I have to quickly snap myself out of it… I’m better off without her in my life!

  8. It’s really hard to do and absolutely necessary sometimes. Reflecting on our relationships is so challenging but it’s the only way to stay true to ourselves.

  9. I did this just last summer. I ended a friendship that was fairly new, a little over a yearish old. We both are homeschool moms, She ran the homeschool group that we belonged too, and her daughter and mine became best friends. I hated to see their friendship end, but that lady was toxic! She reminded me of what it was like to be back in middle school. Constantly talking about others behind their backs, etc. She lied, and that was the last straw. I was done. I just stopped taking her calls, and text messages, and eventually unfriended her on Facebook.

  10. I’ve ended a few friend relationships over the years. One was really tough and so I decided to do it with a casual blog post without naming names and never spoke to the person. It was the only way to do it and I’m glad I did. It’s hard though.

  11. This is such an interesting post. It’s so hard to end a friendship with a friend, and more if you’ve been friends with them for a long time. But at the end, you don’t need toxic people in your life that will just bring you down. Thanks for sharing!

  12. I recently have been going through ending a friendship with someone who basically embodies all four of those deal breakers. I don’t see them very often anymore, which helps, but not feeling pressured to respond to their texts or reach out when they’re in town is such a relief.

  13. It’s hard to break up with a friend, because it does feel like an actual breakup. But I agree that sometimes it’s necessary and important for personal health!

  14. I’m pretty selective with who I get close with anyway. I will be friendly with just about anyone but I won’t be real friends with them unless I feel like they make the cut. I have never specifically ended a friendship, but I have just let them die away.

  15. This is a difficult thing to do. I know someone who broke up with a friend not too long ago and it was difficult. We never want to do it but we have to think about ourselves.

  16. Yes, I have had more breaks up with friends than I would like to admit. Some of them because of difference but most of them because they were a very toxic energy person. It was hard at first but them its gets better.

  17. Sadly I have had to end a friendship but it was more of a fall away than an actual break up, so to speak. It was hard and made me sad for awhile but when it comes down to it, you have to do what’s right in your life.

  18. Having toxic friends is never a good idea, I think with the deal breakers you listed too that ending a friendship is best, putting your happiness first is a must!

  19. I feel like ending a friendship can be harder than ending a romantic relationship. I have had to do it before, and it was hard and still bothers me to this day. She was more than a friend, she was my cousin too but I had to remove her from my life due to bad decisions on her part. You see, many of us tried to help her, but you can only help those who want the help. Years later, she passed away. Two weeks after I had my daughter, I had to go to my former best friend/family member’s funeral. I do and don’t regret breaking things off, because I knew it would only be bad for me to keep her in my life, but unfortunately, her mother does not feel that way. She blames me, and others of our group of friends, for “abandoning her”.

  20. I know about this one all too well. No I did not tell them they are toxic and need to leave me alone but I did curtail the boundaries.

  21. It is also really hard to come to the realization that someone you thought was a good friend to you is not. These warning signs are definitely accurate in many situations I have incountered.

  22. Stop being friends is very hard. At least to me. Most of my friendships that died did it quetly, we just talked less and less until it was finally over.

  23. Ending a friendship is hard. It’s even worse when you don’t know why it happened. The best thing to do is talk about what is bothering before it gets to that point. Sometimes people don’t even realize what they are doing. If they care, they will try and change.

  24. This is so hard but definitely the best way to stay healthy. Toxic friendships are hard to recognize in the early stages and even harder to break out of when you’re well invested. I went through a really tough cleanse of friends a few years ago right after a late miscarriage. It was awful but the best thing for me.

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